She Who Shelters
by GreatSnapper
Summary: Sometimes it can be hard to be honest with yourself. Of course, even then it's only worth so much when you can't be honest with others. But that's okay. Sometimes knowing what you want is almost as good as having it.


Shirai Kuroko is a heavy sleeper.

There aren't many that know this. Kuroko herself knows. She heard it from her mother. Uiharu Kazari may know as well, perhaps remembering their time in Judgment training, but it's not something she thinks about often. Saten Ruiko imagines that Kuroko is a light sleeper, her professional manner and hardworking attitude leave the impression in Ruiko's mind of someone that sleeps lightly, ready to wake at a moment's notice and get to work. Konori Mii doesn't spend much time thinking about the sleeping habits of her juniors.

Misaka Mikoto knows. She knows better than Kuroko herself. After all, she spends hours staring at the sleeping girl's face. She has memorized the sound of her breathing, can identify when she is simply dozing and when she has descended into a deep slumber. It has become a habit, or perhaps a ritual; one that she repeats nightly.

Shirai Kuroko does not talk in her sleep, but she does mumble. This is something only Misaka Mikoto knows. When the floor creaks beneath her feet as she migrates from her bed to that of her roommate, she'll pause and listen. It isn't enough to make the teleporter stir from her sleep. Mikoto learned this the first few times she crept across the divide, her heart hammering in her chest as she struggled to come up with an excuse should Kuroko wake.

But she never does. Something like that will not wake her.

Often, Kuroko will mutter something indecipherable as Mikoto slides under the covers next to her, and the electromaster will strain her ears in the vain hope that she might divine some kind of meaning from the random collection of sounds. She never can, but she listens anyway. If she leans in close enough, she can feel Kuroko's breath against her ear. It's still enough to make her heart flutter.

There is one thing that can, on rare occasions be heard from the sleeping Kuroko, that can be deciphered from the jumble of sounds that pass from her lips as she sleeps. If asked what it was, her friends would all give the same answer. Onee-sama. Saten Ruiko would say it with a grin, while Uiharu Kazari would stammer out her answer. She is still slightly embarrassed by the way her friend and colleague treats Mikoto, but admires her openness. Misaka Mikoto would say, "probably something perverted," and turn away with a blush. She already knows the answer. The only thing Mikoto has ever been able to clearly understand from the sleeping Kuroko are the words, "Onee-sama". It's makes her body flood with warmth every time she hears it.

There are other things about Shirai Kuroko that only Misaka Mikoto knows. For example, she always sleeps facing Mikoto. Mikoto has thought to ask why that is, but doesn't want Kuroko to know that she's noticed. She imagines she would take that as a signal, and she isn't prepared for that kind of attention from a conscious Kuroko.

Another thing that only Mikoto knows is that Kuroko often shivers in her sleep, even when wearing pajamas, even when under her covers, even in the middle of the summer. Again, Mikoto wants to ask why, but to do so would be to reveal that she spends her nights embracing the sleeping form of her roommate, and that would be a disaster.

It bothers her, those nights when the petite girl in her arms shakes and trembles. She wants to ask if she has nightmares, or is sick, or lonely, or frightened, but she doesn't. On those nights, she simply holds the girl tighter until the tremors fade.

Roommates might be expected to know these sorts of things about each other. Certainly, no one would be surprised if they were told that Kuroko knows all of Mikoto's sleeping habits. Of course she doesn't, but only Mikoto knows that for sure.

One thing that Mikoto wouldn't be expected to know is what Kuroko's lips taste like. She does know though; they taste like citrus, the flavor of the toothpaste she uses.

It took her months to work up the courage to learn that. Months spent staring at the slightly parted lips of her friend, inches from her own. Months spent leaning gently forward, letting her eyes fall closed, before jerking back at the last moment. Months listening to the blood pound in her ears as she tried to give Kuroko something she had never given to anyone before, had never even considered giving to anyone before.

When the moment came, she had gently pressed her lips against those of her sleeping friend, tasting her, letting her tongue gently trace her lips. It was exhilarating, but Mikoto couldn't help but feel a touch of disappointment. It had been pleasant, but she had always read in romance stories that the first kiss was like an explosion, something incredible and life-changing. A mutinous voice in the back of her mind whispered that if she wanted that kind of experience, then she should kiss Kuroko while she was awake.

Mikoto doesn't listen to that voice. She knows better than to listen to the voices in her head.

There are things about Misaka Mikoto that she hopes Shirai Kuroko doesn't know.

She hopes Kuroko never finds out they've been sharing a bed. Mikoto doesn't know what she would do if her roommate were to find out. Death by embarrassment is her best case scenario. Blackmail seems unlikely, but cannot be ruled out. Of course, there is also the chance that Kuroko would welcome her nightly visits, but Mikoto isn't ready for that. Kuroko is too forward, too physical for her to handle. She doesn't think she could deal with it.

Mikoto also hopes Kuroko never learns how she really feels about all of the attention she showers her with. Each time Kuroko latches onto her, her heart skips a beat. The blush on her face is always real, and rarely of embarrassment. She hides behind her sparking bangs, lashing out with words and electricity alike. But she doesn't hate the contact. She doesn't hate being that close to Kuroko. She just isn't ready for so much at once.

Mikoto doesn't think it's love. Then again, she has never been in love, so she doesn't know. There are times she catches herself watching Kuroko, and she hopes Kuroko doesn't know that either. Mikoto watches the way she moves, the way she throws her hip when she's annoyed, her habit of closing one eye when deep in thought. Little things. No one in the world knows the way Kuroko moves better than Mikoto, and that fact makes her feel both proud and embarrassed. Is that love? She's pretty sure they're too young for love. A crush sounds silly though, so Mikoto doesn't want to say that either.

They're both girls, but that's not something Mikoto would be concerned about. She wasn't raised like that. She's much more embarrassed about feeling any sort of attraction at all, rather than the fact that the object of her desire is a girl. What concerns her more is the particular girl she feels the attraction to.

It would be more convenient if it was someone else.

She notices other girls. She has to avert her eyes when Ruiko flips Uiharu's skirt, lest the temptation to peek become too much. Ruiko wears her uniform slightly too small, and Mikoto has more than once found herself admiring the other girl's belly. Once, she thinks Ruiko caught her looking, but she didn't say anything. Mikoto has tried harder to keep her eyes to herself since then. She doesn't think Ruiko would be mad, but that conversation would be rather embarrassing.

But Kuroko is the one she keeps coming back to. More than just looking, she wants to be close to her. Maybe that is love. Mikoto is pretty sure it isn't.

Some nights, she stays in her own bed. Some nights Kuroko doesn't sleep deeply, and some nights Mikoto isn't sure she'd be able to keep from doing more than just gently caressing the younger girl's hair. She can recognize her own desire, but she wouldn't do that to Kuroko, not without asking. Not that she could ever bring herself to ask.

Most nights though, she waits, and watches. When Kuroko's breathing is even and Mikoto knows she is sleeping soundly, she moves from her bed and slips in next to her junior. She may not be awake, but she always seems to be able to tell when Mikoto is next to her. Her body relaxes, letting Mikoto slip her arms around her slender form. Normally, Kuroko sleeps in a ball, her knees pulled up and her chin tucked against her chest. With Mikoto next to her though, the tension in her form seems to melt away.

Mikoto isn't quite sure what to make of that, but it makes her happy. She likes to believe she has a calming effect on her roommate.

Mikoto doesn't need much sleep. She's always been able to get by without much, which is good because she doesn't dare let herself fall asleep in Kuroko's bed. Kuroko is a heavy sleeper but an early riser. Mikoto rarely oversleeps, but Kuroko is always up and about before she is. If she fell asleep, then she has no doubt that Kuroko would discover her.

She often worries about what would happen if she was caught. How would Kuroko react to finding her beloved Onee-sama in bed with her? Mikoto can think of a few ways she might respond, some good, some bad. She has come up with excuses in case it does happen, but she knows they're useless. She's never been very good at lying to Kuroko; the younger girl can always see through her, but she rarely presses. Mikoto doesn't know why, but it makes her chest tighten every time she has to lie to Kuroko. It's much harder than lying to anyone else.

There have been days when Mikoto wakes to find Kuroko in her bed, rare occasions when she wakes before her roommate. Sometimes, she wonders if she and Kuroko do the same thing, if when she returns to her bed Kuroko wakes and slips into bed next to her. The thought is amusing, but Mikoto doubts that it's a regular thing. She hasn't tried to find out though. It's a pleasant thought.

The first time it happened was long before she had started spending her nights next to Kuroko, and it had taken her by surprise. She reacted on instinct, shocking the teleporter awake and stammering accusations. The second and third times had happened later, after Mikoto had begun to return the favor. Waking up next to Kuroko is a much different experience from watching her sleep. It's enough to make Mikoto feel lightheaded. She always wants to caress Kuroko's cheeks, run her fingers through her chestnut hair, clutch her tightly to her breast. But in the early morning light, she can never bring herself to do it.

So she reacts as she did that first time, hiding her desire behind anger and indignation.

More and more often, Mikoto finds herself thinking about Kuroko. She finds herself daydreaming about her during class, and when they go out with their friends, she has to distract herself by falling back into their old patterns. But every time Kuroko latches onto her, every time she feels her body pressing against her own, it's all she can do to keep herself from trembling. It's easier to simply shock her friend than to admit that the contact makes her weak-kneed.

Lately, she wonders if Uiharu or Ruiko have noticed the way she looks at Kuroko, the way her eyes linger on her legs or the back of her neck. Uiharu probably wouldn't notice, and if she did she would be far too embarrassed to say anything. Mikoto is grateful for that. But Ruiko looks for those things, and Mikoto thinks she might have always suspected anyway. She never says anything, but sometimes she looks at Mikoto in a way that says far more than words ever could. There is no accusation there though, no hint of disapproval, and Mikoto knows that if she were ever to talk to anyone about her feelings, it would be Ruiko.

That wouldn't stop her friend from teasing her though, and Mikoto doesn't want to be on the receiving end of that.

Sooner or later, Mikoto knows she'll be found out. Kuroko is a heavy sleeper, but sooner or later she'll notice, if not while Mikoto is lying next to her, then she'll catch a look, or feel the way Mikoto reacts to her touch, the slight shiver of pleasure and the gentle exhalation of breath she can never manage to suppress. When that happens, things will change between them. Only time will tell if the change will be good or bad.

There are things Shirai Kuroko can do that Misaka Mikoto never could.

The first time Kuroko grabbed her in the shower Mikoto was shocked and offended. No one had ever invaded her privacy like that before, and she wasn't sure how to react. The violent shocks she unleashed on Kuroko have done little to dissuade her, and for that Mikoto is somewhat grateful, though she would never be able to say that out loud, even alone. But she does think about Kuroko's hands as they fondled her chest, and the memory makes her whole body tingle.

In her most private moments, Mikoto finds herself thinking about what might have happened if she didn't stop Kuroko, if she let the younger girl see just what her touch did to her. It's enough to make her face beet red.

Mikoto could never do that, could never be so bold. She spends a great deal of time wondering what it is that allows Kuroko to be so brazen. They have different personalities, but Mikoto would never have characterized herself as shy. Whatever it is that allows Kuroko to do such things is alien to Mikoto. She can't understand it, but she tries.

Mikoto does understand hard work and commitment. There is a reason she is the third-ranked level five in Academy City. Determination is another of her strong points, and these things she can identify with in Kuroko. But Kuroko can maintain a level of calm and composure under pressure that Mikoto never could. She gets flustered easily, and is quick to overreact. Kuroko is a planner, able to handle any situation through her intelligence and quick wit. Mikoto admires that.

There's a good chance that Kuroko is smarter than her, or at least that's what Mikoto believes. People are impressed by Mikoto's talents and grades, but school is easy, and with enough practice you can do almost anything. But Kuroko possesses a natural aptitude for problem solving that has awed Mikoto since they first met. When Kuroko applies herself to a problem, she sees avenues that would never occur to Mikoto, dozens of paths to the goal, and even those are discarded once Kuroko finds the perfect solution. Sometimes Mikoto wonders if this is due in part to her roommate's ability, or if she is simply brilliant.

Of course, there are times when her behavior is anything but that of a genius, but then Mikoto remembers the old adage about the line between brilliance and madness.

It's hard for Mikoto to know why Kuroko does the things she does. If it is sincere affection then she's not quite sure how to respond to it. A lot of the time she thinks the younger girl is simply teasing her. This is her worst case scenario. If that were the case then it would mean her feelings, whatever they might be, could not be returned. Mikoto isn't sure she could deal with that, and admits that in large part this is why she keeps silent. It is much easier to keep to her routine and simply keep everyone else in the dark.

Sometimes though, to do so hurts almost more than she can bear.

These are the things Misaka Mikoto thinks about as she lies next to her beloved friend, her closest ally, the object of her desires. In lying there, she can feel a peace that washes away all her worries and allows her to truly relax. Someday, she'll be found out, but that's not important now. Someday, she'll be able to admit to Kuroko, and to herself, what those feelings mean. She looks forward to that day with a maelstrom mix of anticipation and fear, but she will face it when it comes. Misaka Mikoto is not a coward. She will not run from anything, even her own feelings.

That is in the future though. For now, she simply stays by Kuroko's side, listening to her breathe, admiring the way the moonlight shines on her pale cheeks, and trying to learn something else about her that no one else knows.

* * *

><p>AN: I think that sooner or later everything I have sitting in my story folders is going to end up on this site. Is that a good thing? I hope it's a good thing. I keep dredging up old bits and pieces and tweaking them a bit before throwing them to the masses. The reception so far to this approach has been good though, so I guess I'll keep it up.

This is the only Mikokuro piece I've ever written, and that includes a bunch of half-formed ideas and drabbles. It's not a pairing that I dislike, exactly, I just feel that my contributions would be superfluous at this point. If you're looking for it you can find a lot of it running around. I like some of the other pairings. That's not to say you'll never see Mikokuro from me again though. Time will tell.

This piece itself is rather different. Tone and narrative style got flipped on their heads this time, and even though I wrote this over a year ago now I still think I like the end result of the experiment. Of note, this was inspired by "Comfort," a story by the always entertaining Roadmart. Go check it out if you haven't. You won't be disappointed.

There are a few ways you can read this, and the overall impression you take away will largely depend on how you approached the story. There are hints of all sorts of things here, so I'll leave it to you to work it out for yourself. I personally allow for two very different readings of it, and certainly more than that exist. That too was part of the point in writing it. All in all it was a fun little piece.

Thank you all for dropping in. I really cannot tell you how much it means to have people reading these things. This is a bit of a new style for me too, so I would be very interested in hearing from people. Which is to say, please review. I love reviews so very much, and all of you who read these are what keeps me going!


End file.
